Hooooo-leeeeee-shit!!!!
Now that was quite a weekend. I took a poll of my friends and it seemed, collectively, that our hangovers disappeared on TUESDAY morning around 10:30am.
Events of the weekend that contributed to this complete town of Westport bender: Mario’s funeral (Marios is a Westport cocktailing institution and Mario funded and started most of the restaurants and bars in Westport – that’s right he is a god), about 5 different Staples High School class reunions at The Black Duck and finally the Longshore Men’s Golf Association Member Guest Tournament.
When I say “complete town of Westoport bender” I report this from sources that have seen all the benders here for the last 50 years.
What did we learn from this?
Well we learned who the person most likely to be tased in Westport is.
We learned how much a Budweiser costs at Dunville’s
We learned who the retards in town are
And we have two new candidates, all though extreme long shots, for Man of The Year.
Let’s start with this:
IN THE PAST FIVE DAYS THE TOP FIVE RETARD MOVES ARE THE FOLLOWING:
5.) Chuck Snypes partner in the member guest. Why? He turned down a weekend at Shinnnecock Hills in South Hampton, NY to play with Snypes, otherwise known as Mike Honcho. Moron!
4.) The two retards who “fell asleep” in their cars early Saturday morning. One retard fell asleep in the Sherwood Diner parking lot around 2AM with the car on, the lights on and the fucken music blasting or the other retard who fell asleep in his car IN HIS OWN DRIVE WAY!!! Mornical,
3.) The Big Kahuna!!!!! Why? Because after the LMGA member guest a bunch of us piled on to our boats, drove them to the Black Duck and rafted them up on the dock. Guess who was the retard who pulled up, docked the boat, put the outboard engine up, stepped off the boat and went into the Duck and stayed there for a week…..wait did you catch that check list and the critical item left off the check list…….SHUT THE ENGINE OFF!!!!!! FUCK!!!! I left the engine on out of the water. It’s a water cooled engine. It was almost on fire when Joe Troy (MOY candidate) pulled in on his jet ski, noticed the engine was still on and shut it off. Imbecile!
2.) US Airways Tuesday I have to fly to Pittsburgh, the Paris of the Alleghany River Valley for work. Did you know I fucken love work? Anyway I get to LGA airport for a 9:25pm departure around 7pm on Tuesday night. GODDAMN US Airways has the flight listed to depart at 10:50pm. Watch the baseball game, read a book, tunes on the ipod etc…..for the next 3 hours. Three hours later I roll over to the gate and we (there were about six of us) see the plane is GONE!!!!! Are you kidding me. Its 10:10, the sign says (see below) departs at 10:50. I have to say the gate attends looked horrified as we charged them….two of the passengers charged from their seats 10 feet from the counter. No one could hear the PA’s, the airport was packed with delayed, frustrated travelers. FUCK…..rebook on the 7am the next morning and deal with the shit sandwich you were just served. Well what to do. Dumbest mutha fuckers that ever lived!
1.) The Big Kahuna. I win! So Wednesday morning the alarm goes of at 4:55 am, I have slept for 2 hours. I was so pissed at missing that flight (work is fairly stressful these days) I didn’t crash for a while. Anyway, the alarm goes off, I charge to the bathroom, shower, suit up, feed the dogs and head to Larguadia Airport. Well well .... as usual, I get there about 2 hours early, walk in, go up to the to the kiosk to check in. It asks me for a credit card……….guessing?.....are you a retard too? Seriously, you don’t know what it is……….I don’t have a credit card with me. Why? BECAUSE I FORGOT MY FUCKEN WALLET! No ticky! No Laundry! Well I creep home at 40 mph, I don’t want to get arrested for driving with out a licence, slink into my house and spend well needed day not on the road. There you have it. Stupid Ass Kahuna! Just farting in the bath tub laughing my ass off!
NEVER GO FULL RETARD!
Lord. Have. Mercy.
Posted by: Mental P Mama | July 23, 2009 at 11:30 AM